This is Part 3.
Here is Part 1.
Here is Part 2.

When we last left off, our widgeteer was pondering his three choices:

1) keep pursuing his widget business as is even though it often makes him miserable.
2) give up his widget business even though it’s been a dream of his for so long and there are still many aspects of being a widgeteer that bring him pleasure.
3) find a way to continue the widget business and be happy!

Luckily, our widgeteer has discovered a very important truth: if you want to be happy doing something you need to first be happy!

He knows now that he cannot keep plowing ahead, hating the process and hope for a happy ending.

In part 2 I suggested that there might be a hybrid choice, a combination of options 2 and 3. Option 2, giving up, sounds like the quitters way out but it can be healthy sometimes to give up! It might be better to say “letting go” instead of “giving up.” If there is something in your life that makes you miserable you can keep that thing in your life and work hard to change the way you feel about it. But if you can’t change the way you feel and that thing makes you miserable, it might be best to let it go.

I did this several years ago with the news. I don’t watch or listen to any news at all. I haven’t for years and it feels great! I used to feel some sort of sense of obligation to be an informed citizen but it got to the point where it was either watch/listen to the news or feel good. I decided to feel good! I’m not totally oblivious to what goes on in the world. If I hear about something that piques my interest, I’ll look it up on line and read about it but I’m not going to spend my time ingesting information that makes me feel bad. It’s just not worth it!

What we are really talking about here is being selfish. That word gets such a bad rap when we are kids. But it’s important to be selfish about the way you feel. If there are things in your life that make you miserable you have the same three choices as the widgeteer: 1) keep those things in your life, 2) let them go, 3) find a way to be happy with those things in your life.

Your not doing anyone any good when you are miserable. Not yourself, your loved ones, strangers you encounter, tasks you try to complete, etc. No matter where you are or what you are doing, you bring yourself along. I would argue that it is better to be selfish about how you feel and then bring a cheerful, happy person with you everywhere you go than to keep a bunch of stuff in your life that makes you miserable out of some sense of obligation.

With all that in mind, the widgeteer would be best off doing options 2 and 3. Find the aspects of his business that no longer bring him pleasure and to the extent that he can, let them go. Keep whittling it down until he is left with a widget business that feels good. Even if that means starting over! He would be bringing more to the world with his skills as a widgeteer by starting completely over with a business that thrills him than he would carrying on with something that makes him miserable out of fear of loosing the little ground he has gained.

It might be sort of obvious that the widgeteer is not totally fictional or hypothetical. A lot of what I typed is based on my career as a musician. The story of the widgeteer in part 1 is a much more dramatic but there are aspects of that story that are true. And the problems I described came about because of the simple fact that I was focused on doing and not on being.

It’s so easy to let that happen. Take getting in shape for instance. When I decide that I don’t like that way that I look or feel and I decide I’m going to do something about it I make a list. I’m going to do the following exercises on the following days. I’m going to eat these certain foods for these specific meals on these specific days. I make a plan and then I do my plan. But like I said before, wherever I go and whatever I do I take myself along. If I’m miserable all the while I’m trying to follow my plan eventually it will be difficult if not impossible to stick with it.

I made the same mistake with my musical career. I had big dreams and great things that I wanted to accomplish. I didn’t know exactly how to go about making these things happen but when I quit my full time job I did anything and everything I could to try to move in the direction of those dreams. The mistakes I made where that I never got clear about what I really wanted and I never payed any attention to how the things I was doing made me feel.

It’s not hard to notice how something makes you feel. It’s pretty easy if you are paying attention. But you have to pay attention! Once I got going with my music I was so focused on trying to do all the things I thought I needed to do that I never payed any attention to how I was feeling or who I was being. Frankly, I didn’t think it really mattered. I figured if I could just do enough I would eventually get to where I wanted to be. I forgot that if I want to be happy doing something I have to first be happy! So I put my happiness aside and spent years plowing through tasks thinking that once I made enough money, had enough fans, sold enough CDs, played big enough venues, etc. etc. then I would be happy.

Just like the cross country move or the long drive I described in part 1 I thought that if I could just get through some of the “hard” stuff I would eventually get to the fun stuff. But the fun stuff never showed up. Because of the DOING mindset I had adopted I turned everything into just another task to be suffered through on the way to what I figured would eventually be good. And the worst part about living that way is all the great things I miss on the journey. Sure I’ve had to stay in a tent when it’s snowed and I’ve had to drive 20 hours straight and I’ve had to play places I didn’t really want to play and listen to people yell requests that I REALLY didn’t want to play (or hear yelled) but there’s been tons of great things too. I’ve met so many wonderful people and I’ve gotten to travel to great places and for 10 years I’ve gotten to play the guitar and sing for a living!

Those are all great things but for some reason, those are the things that are easily over looked when I’m in my DOING mindset. So the key is to figure out who I want to be and how I want to feel and then bring that person and those feelings along to everything I do. And after doing that, if there are still aspects of my music business that drive me nuts, I need to let those go.

So who do I want to be?

More to come!

Matt

Related Articles:
Which Is More Important? Part 1
Which Is More Important? Part 2